Are you sober shaming?

Written By Tobie-Anna Durk

Sober shaming is a subtle but powerful form of social pressure that makes someone feel uncomfortable or “wrong” for choosing not to drink alcohol.

It isn’t always hostile or loud; often it comes dressed up as jokes, well-meaning banter or a casual “come on, just one more.” At its core, sober shaming communicates that drinking is the normal, expected and preferred way to socialise, and if you don’t drink, something must be “off” about you.

In the UK, alcohol is woven into hospitality, celebrations and everyday social rituals. Pubs, bars, restaurants and events often centre around drinking, and non-drinking can be seen as strange, unsociable or even disappointing. Simple questions like “Why aren’t you drinking?” or “Are you sure you don’t want one?” are classic examples of sober shaming and even when intended as friendly, they can trigger anxiety, self-doubt and stress.

For individuals working in hospitality, this pressure can be particularly intense. Long hours, late shifts and a culture that rewards or encourages drinking as a way to unwind can blur the line between choice and expectation. Some hospitality staff report feeling judged by colleagues or guests for declining a drink, or finding themselves excluded from social plans that revolve around alcohol. That social exclusion doesn’t just affect wellbeing; it can erode confidence and make people less likely to seek help when they’re struggling.

The impact of sober shaming on mental health is real. Feeling pressured to drink, having to justify personal choices repeatedly, or sensing judgement can heighten anxiety in social settings, trigger feelings of shame and even undermine recovery from harmful drinking habits. For someone navigating sobriety or mindful drinking, these pressures aren’t just awkward, they can be emotionally damaging and increase the risk of relapse.

Hospitality workplaces have an opportunity to shift this culture. Offering and promoting quality non-alcoholic options, normalising choices to abstain, and training teams to be respectful creates environments where everyone feels included. Calling out sober-shaming comments when they occur, and supporting colleagues who don’t drink, helps dismantle the assumption that alcohol is the only way to socialise or celebrate. You can head here to watch a series on how to stop sober shaming.

Respecting different choices builds healthier teams, reduces stigma and breaks down the idea that drinking is mandatory. Whether someone is in recovery, looking after their mental health, or simply choosing a lifestyle without alcohol, they deserve the same respect and inclusion that all guests and staff should experience.

Tobie-Anna Durk
Next

January Jobs in Hospitality